Parents’ Guide to parenting

Let’s consult the rule book and see exactly what it says

Because I don’t quite understand your rules of play

Sometimes it feels more like a war and I am ready to engage

Telling me how to be a mother is a bit late at this stage

I love our kids and I make sure they have all that they need

I play, I interact, I wash, clothe, cook and feed

I tidy up after them as they play along

I read them a bedtime story, help with homework and sing their favourite songs

I make their beds and put their clothes away neat

I nurse them when their ill and I have patience when they’re at my feet

I listen to their stories both long and short

I also hear the dreams they had from the night before

I don’t mind cooking individual meals if they don’t like the same

I reassure them with fallout's and tell them ‘it’s such a shame’

I play Santa when Christmas comes and I check their list twice

I play tooth fairy when I quietly creep into their room at night

I play doctor with cuts and scrapes and check out places I never thought I would

But I never complain as I know its for the greater good

I’ll sit with them and have that pretend cup of tea

I’ll tuck them in tightly as I lay them down to sleep

I’ll go to the park and kick around the footy or even play basketball

I’ll stand by proudly and admire them as they grow ever so tall

I’ll attend all school functions, assemblies, dinners and plays

I never miss a parents evening, listening intently to what the teacher says

I send them on every school trip and purchase every school pic

I discuss how they feel about things if they ever want to talk

I make myself available if they want to go for a walk

I fight their battles with no fear, sword and shield in hand

I take on the world for them; woman, child or man

And then I look at you; what exactly do you do?

You tell off my kids and tell them what not to do

I protect my kids from all that will hurt them so I protect them from you

I give my kids my all and I will until my very last breath

And you say to me … “When you do all of that, what is there left?” ....

When you fight, listen, cook, clean and ponder to their every need

What can I possibly do, who can I possibly be, what could they possibly need from me?

You want them to have a father but you won’t let me play my role

All I can do is support you and make sure they do what they are told

I love our kids just as much as you do

But there are experiences and lessons that they must go through

If you protect them from the world then how will they learn?

When do they learn every action has a consequence?

When do I get to play my role? When do I get to teach them?

I know you don’t understand my actions and the things that I do

But my greatest accomplishment is not arguing with you

I don’t always agree with all that you do

And its difficult to sit back and not express my point of view

I could never question your devotion and the care that you give

I could never have picked a better mother for our kids

But you have to take a step back and let me to teach them at times

Allowing me to be a father would not be such a crime

Teaching them about the big wide world

The games that people play, both boys and girls

Teaching them to be responsible and how to stay safe

If you could only allow me to have a place

Just so that the kids don’t see me as you do

Somebody who just sits there and does nothing is your often-expressed view

No actions, no voice, no participation, a man with no role

I’m also here for the kids, the same as you, and I want them to know ....

I only know how to be a mum, I’m not trying to extinguish your position

I understand you want to play a part and I am willing to listen

I grew up in a household whereby my mom was mom & dad

So, I never understood the role of a man and this is the disadvantage that I had

Of course, I want you here playing an active part in our lives

And the changes which need to be implemented will not happen overnight

But I understand the things you are trying to explain

And if things are going to work between us, they can’t carry on the same

The kids deserve to see the dad that you want to be

And I would hate to think that they missed out on that opportunity because of me

I also know that they do need roles of their own

Without any responsibilities now what will they do when they’re grown?

Teaching them how to do things for themselves will set them up for independence

Allowing them to feel secure and grow in their confidence

It doesn’t mean that they won’t need me or love me any less

They know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I’ve done my very best

But please understand that its hard for me to let go

It’s painful to teach them to be independent and watch them grow

Because I’m their mum and I thought that they would be my babies forever

Not once did I think they would grow and leave the nest, not ever

But as they are now getting older, I realise that this is what must be

And teaching them how to be independent in life is a reflection of you and me

I’m still learning, as are they and so are you

But we are a family and we will get through by making up our own rules

© L. Blair